Freedom to Bondage.

Danny

The first beer that I ever drank was a Corona. I can remember the day that I sipped that first taste of alcohol like it was yesterday. It was in the back of a 2003 red Dodge Neon with my brand new girlfriend. We had been lucky enough to convince a co worker of mine at the local sandwich shop to buy us a couple of six packs in exchange for some extra money so he could get some smokes. I can still remember following behind him as he went to get the beer. The surge of adrenaline rushing through my body hoping that we would not get caught. I saw a snitch in the eyes of every other customer in that grocery store. I had so many thoughts scurrying around in my mind, the thought of my parents finding out, or perhaps getting in trouble with the police. I had almost wanted to ask him not to buy the beer, and that he could keep the money for his trouble. But, when I looked into her eyes, that blue abyss, I had to keep going. I would not look like a sissy in front of her. She was the girl I had to impress. I would do the stupidest thing in the world for her, and it was all because she was a little more developed physically than the girls my age. Boobs have a fascinating effect on the male psyche. It was all so exciting.

Once we had the beer, me and my lady drove to an old park and chilled out in the back seat of that old Neon. Taking off my sandals I could feel some dirt get between my toes, and I noticed some old candy bar wrappers. I grabbed the Corona bottle and twisted off the cap and just looked at the bottle with a kind of awe. This was the moment that I would stop being a child and began turning into a man. At least a teenager. The taste of that yellow liquid cascading over my taste buds will stay with me forever. It was an incredible sensation as it went into my digestive system and started to affect me. After three beers I had a pretty good buzz going. And I could not stop drinking them.

The beer itself tasted like piss. And I wasn’t that thirsty. But what that beer represented caused a thirst that was insatiable.
It tasted like freedom.
It tasted like independence.
It tasted like maturity.
It tasted like rebellion.

So, I kept drinking them, one after the other. It was felix felicis, and I could do no wrong under its spell. After my fifth beer, I looked at Juliette straight in the eyes and went in to kiss her. She was willing, of course she was, I was a stud(so the beer told me anyways). And we went further, and further. I lost my virginity in that car on that day. It was possibly the worst and most awkward sexual experience of my entire life. But, at the time I felt like James Bond fucking some Russian spy whore.

That was the beginning of my high school experience. I had a girlfriend who was a year older than I was. I was on the wrestling team. I was in all academic honors courses. My teachers loved and pined over me. The world was my oyster. I could do no wrong. Every kid is supposed to experiment in high school. It is the one time in life where you are completely free to do whatever you want. Some might say that time is in college, but you can be tried as an adult while in college. In high school, there are no responsibilities. You do easy ass class work and the rest of the time you can just chill out. My parents paid the bills and I just hung out with friends. We would go out and drink every weekend and smoke some cigarettes and just talk. There were parties, and I had always seen some drugs there, but I had never had any interest in trying them. There was no need.

I am not quite sure what caused that “no need” thing to change. Perhaps it was because I was bored with alcohol. Perhaps it was because my girlfriend used cocaine and I wanted to keep up. But, eventually I tried drugs. That high was the most amazing feeling in the entire world. The world stood still and all five senses are in pristine condition. You can not top the feeling of that needle injecting into your arm a liquid which will make you feel like you are king of the world. The sensation is not natural, because nothing natural can be that good. The stresses of the world, and all its bullshit are gone. I took my first hit at a party that I had been invited to by Juliete. She had some college friends and they were hanging out in their dorm room. When I first met them, I had that same sensation as when I had first entered high school, at the bottom of the totem poll whereas, there I had worked my way to the top of the social hierarchy here I was nothing again. And maybe that is why I tried it. It doesn’t really matter why I tried it. The only thing that matters is after that first high, I could not relive it. While getting drunk was fun, it could not compare to this.

If the war on drugs were a physical war against an opponent such as the Nazis we’d be speaking German right now. For all the negative press, and all the attempts by the government to get drugs out of the streets, they are surprisingly easy to get. You can not buy glue at Wal-Mart unless you are eighteen. But, right out in the parking lot one of their employees who get the carts will sell you ecstasy and cocaine. I see no problem with using drugs. It’s a means to an end. You get stressed out in life and drugs help calm you down. You get awkward in certain social situations, and drugs help you open up. They are no a hindrance to a great life, but an opportunity. This is what my father could never, nor will ever understand. When he found out that I had been using, he freaked out. Threatened to call the cops or kick me out of the house. Because, that is what will get me to stop? All his damn bickering ever did was push me further away. He was the reason that I dropped out of high school and he was the reason that I am not fulfilling my potential. Him and his damn overbearing attitude.